


Second Desolation

by Lady_Juno



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dead Thorin, Gen, Kili's Diary, New King Under the Mountain, Survivor Guilt, angsty!Kili
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 03:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1495207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Juno/pseuds/Lady_Juno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Originally titled "Majestic Kili" and intended to be a dramatic retelling of the Second Desolation, in which a majority of the Company perished in the heat of battle and dragonfire. Kili, however, decided that he wanted to tell the story in his own way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Desolation

 It was the end.

I don't know my exact thoughts at the time, but there was something about the fear in Uncle's face that I recall simply made me wonder if it was possible we might all die. I was young and stupid at the time. I still am, in some ways. 

The Mountain shook around us. In the depths, we could hear the infuriated roar of the Great Worm- I imagined at the time that he must have caught our burglar. As frightening as that thought was, it was nothing compared to the terror that followed when I realized that Uncle had disappeared. When I looked at Balin, it was all too clear that Uncle Thorin had found the price he couldn't afford to pay.

Our burglar had become precious to us. Without her, we never would have made it to the Mountain at all. Discovered by wargs, killed by orcs, eaten by trolls, sold by goblins, imprisoned by elves- there were a hundred and one things she'd saved us from. And now our King had gone to save her from something she would never be able to slip away from. Dragons aren't so easily fooled as orcs, trolls and elves. 

Some days I still wonder... if I had had the courage to follow them, would I have died that day? Would they? Would they still be here if I had done something different? "Survivor's Guilt," they call it. But it's so much more than guilt. It's responsibility. It's disappointment. It's honest doubt. Fili hadn't even waited until the floor stopped shaking. He rushed off to follow Uncle the moment he realized what had happened. Some of the others followed him. If I had loved him enough... would I have followed, too? If I was less of a coward, would I have changed things?

In a way, I'm glad I didn't. I led the rest of the Company to safety after the dragon ravaged Laketown and demolished the Mountain's southern face. Thirteen of us left Ered Luin that spring. The following autumn, six of us returned. Mother might have turned to stone. I remember, even though I was only a lad at the time. I remember when Father, Uncle Frerin, and Grandfather all left with Uncle Thorin, and only Thorin came back. Mother went mad with grief. This time, Fili and Thorin had failed to return, and she only had me. 

After that... she just stopped eating. Stopped caring. I don't blame her, but I wish to Mahal that she hadn't. Now I am alone. Never before have I felt the darkness and the cold of the mountains the way I do now. Someday I will gather my own Company and we will march on the Lonely Mountain again. I will avenge my brother and uncle, I will fight for my mother and father and grandfather and great-grandfather. For my uncounted kin which died at the claws of Smaug.

I will not be a coward as I once was. 

I will be King Under the Mountain.

 

For you, Uncle Thorin, Brother; I will return.

 

\- Kili, son of Chali, brother of Fili, King Under the Mountain


End file.
